You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
