I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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