Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
