He uses pillows to masturbate.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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