Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
