Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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