Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
how drunk are you?
Several
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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