I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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