did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
