I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
