I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
