You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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