You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
