I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
