ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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