Jerry, you need to find god
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
