yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
