ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
