And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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