Just fell off a train. Bad.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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