is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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