She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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