Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
