omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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