If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
