At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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