so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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