I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Just cropdusted the office
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
