and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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