Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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