Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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