it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
