there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
