2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
