So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
