i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
my liver is dry heaving
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
