you traded sex for a burrito?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
