i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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