Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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