Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
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