That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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