Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
