Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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