If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Life is so much better after having sex.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
