At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
