I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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