just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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