she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
