It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
