He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
