Ambien. No doubt about it.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
