im holly from the hills drunk
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
