Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
